Only in the Philippines

I got this email from an Aunt living abroad that struck a poignant note inside me. You might have read through some (or all) of this through forwarded emails or Friendster bulletins already (I know I have). It is funny (because you know it's true and must even have experienced it at one time or another) and sad (because you know it's true and shouldn't be) at the same time. Read on.

Disclaimer: I am copying over the exact text of the email and did not write or make any claims to any part of it.

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When I travel, people often ask me why I live in the Philippines? Well here it is.....

It is the only place on earth where......

1. Every street has a basketball court.

2. Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.

3. Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.

4. Students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.

5. School is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.

6. Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.

7. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.

8. Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.

9. Everything can be forged.

10. All kinds of animals are edible.

11. Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.

12. Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.

13. Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.

14. Crossing the street involves running for your dear life.

15. The personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.

16. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!

17. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.

18. People can pay to defy the law.

19. Everything and everyone is spoofed.

20. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (peke)!

21. The honking of car horns is a way of life.

22. Being called a bum is never offensive.

23. Floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.

24. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.

25. Where wearing your national colors make you baduy.

26. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)

27. Where insurance does not work.

28. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty.

29. Clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon).

30. Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)

31. Where University of the Philippines where all the weird people go.

32. Ateneo is where all the nerds go.

33. La Salle is where all the Chinese go.

34. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go and;

35. University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich people go.

36. Fast food is a diet meal.

37. Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.

38. Where being mugged is normal and it happens to everyone.

39. Rodents are normal house pets.

40. The definition of traffic is the 'non-movement' of vehicles.

41. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements and;

42. The new fighter planes are displayed in museums.

43. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.

44. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.

45. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.

46. People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos but not a thousand.

47. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual (Grabe talaga 'to!)

48. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax) than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.

49. And where everyone wants to leave the country!


FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT:

1. The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.

2. Anita Bakery

3. A 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day & Night

4. Barber shop called Felix The Cut;

5. A bakery named Bread Pitt

6. Fast-food place selling 'maruya' (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey.

7. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing

8. A boutique called The Way We Wear

9. A video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental

10. A restaurant in Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken

11. A local burger restaurant called Mang Donald's

12. A doughnut shop called MacDonuts

13. A shop selling 'lumpia' (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll

14. And two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis.

Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the 'Taglish'

(The Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino such as:)

15. At a restaurant menu in Cebu: We hab sopdrink in can an in batol

[translation: We have soft drinks in can and in bottle].

16. Then, there is a sewing accessories shop called Bids And Pises

[translation: Beads and Pieces --or-- Bits and Pieces]

There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to 'correct' them like.......

17. In a restaurant in Baguio City, the 'summer capital' of the Philippines: Wanted: Boy Waitress

18. On a highway in Pampanga: We Make Modern Antique Furniture

19. On the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan: We Shoot You While You Wait

20. And on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila: Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier.

Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression such as:

21. A shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying: We Sell Imported Robber Shoes (these could be the 'sneakiest' sneakers);

22. A rental property sign in Jaro reads: House For Rent, Fully Furnaced (it must really be hot inside!)

23. Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique - if not altogether odd.

City in southern Philippines which said: Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation.

24. European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland Hopia - which are owned and operated by two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively - (believe it or not)!

25. Some folks also 'creatively' redesign English to be more efficient. The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words, says reader Robert Goodfellow who came across a sign .....

House Fersallarend (house for sale or rent).

Why use five words when two will do?

26. According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much wit in the Philippines because we are a country where a good sense of humor is needed to survive. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors.

Now I ask you where else in the world would one want to live?

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Girly Day

Last Friday, it being a business-casual day, I went to work wearing a skirt. I walked in the door at 9am sharp to see people crowding around an officemate's pasalubong from the States. Seeing me (but not yet seeing the skirt), he waved me over to join the masses crowding around the various chocolates on his desk. So I went around my cubicle and they went whoa! It was sooooooo satisfying and amusing watching everyone's jaws drop open. Yes, call me shameless for enjoying everyone's shock. But it was really funny - I got similar reactions throughout the day.

Let me tell you, it was a heady experience having people who thought they knew you make a double-take every time you passed by. *smirk*

Note to self: must do this more often - not "this" as in wear a skirt, but something unexpected. *evil laugh*

Maybe I should declare Girly Day more often... say once every two months? Or not. It's so much fun to just spring it on people. Well, it doesn't have to be a skirt everytime... oooooh, the ideas! *grin* I think I might have awakened the little she-devil inside me. Mwahahahaha!

Nine-One-Two Thousand and Seven

Another year has gone by, indeed.

What has gone on in my life since September 1, 2006?

Marian and Jhong rolled-off the project - September 2006 (or thereabouts, I forget the exact dates).
Went to Baguio (insert shivering smiley here) - October 2006.
Phine left the company - end of October 2006.
November 2006 - what happened here???
Went for my usual 2-week Christmas vacation - December 2006.
Tina left the company - end of December 2006.
Dence left the company - end of February 2007.
Went to Boracay (yahooo!!) - March 2007.
Liza left the company - mid-March 2007.
Went home for the Holy Week - April 2007.
Started with ASR7 (got on-loaned to a support/development team for 3 months) - April 2007.
Went home for the elections and had dental operation - May 2007.
June 2007 - went by in a blur due to work... this is soo sad... I have no life...
End of ASR7, went back to support team - July 2007.
Jeng left the company - end of July 2007.
August 2007 - also went by in a blur due to the insanity of that CIO MTV.. *cries*
Jiggz rolled-off the project - mid-August 2007.

I find it a bit telling that half of my entries above consisted of notes about people leaving the company. Of course, the fact that these people merited a note here means they weren't simple colleagues/work acquaintances. Maybe in 5 years or so, it won't quite grate on me to remember these dates. Maybe by then I'll just recall this year as that year the Web family officially got disbanded. I use the term "disbanded" a bit loosely here - but without going too much into the details, I know those who had "been there" will get it.

(Well, I never thought a little looking back would make me depressed, but now it has. Should have known better, really. I don't know why it still catches me by surprise when I should be used to it by now. I'm still a little raw, I guess. And this is going to go on for days yet, so just a fair warning to all if my blogging goes a little... dark from here on.)

I caught a little fever the day before my birthday - I know, I know, what else did I expect after a whole month of not sleeping well plus that last stretch last week... sometimes I really think I'm a sadist to myself (wait, so does that mean I'm my own masochist?... right, let's go back to safer territory). I can't help but feel a little touch of foreboding here. Sure, I laugh in the face of superstition (my own late grandmother must be turning in her grave right now) but I can't help but worry at the timing of these things, you know? From where I'm looking at it, it doesn't look much like a good sign. In fact, if I must go with my anito-worshiping ancestors, it's like a harbringer of, oh heavens, worse things to come. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!

Thankfully, it was gone by the time September 1 rolled around. So I went with some cousins of mine for dinner at our Uncle's place. It was a triple celebration - my birthday, my Uncle's birthday also on Sept 1, and my cousin's passing of the Nursing Board Exam. I... felt a little guilty when reminded that I have not been keeping in touch, and that my uncle has been looking for me for ages. Turns out I was his favorite back when I was a toddler and he was still a bachelor who hang out at our house every weekend. I think it's really true when even his wife told me I was all he would talk about back when she was still his girlfriend. *Awwww* I don't really remember much, truth to tell, but I think I remember a picture of him somewhere in my album. I'll check it again next time I come home. Also, I finally met in person my Grandma's sister (Uncle's mother) - whom I missed meeting before because I was always in absentia during reunions. I keep telling my parents to tell me about these things months, okay, weeks, in advance; apparently, they've taken this to mean texting me when it's over - "Hey, your Aunt So-and-So is in Manila airport right now on the way back to the States, see if you can drop by to see her" "Mooooooooooomm!!!" or "Hi kid, what's up? Your Aunts So-and-So and your cousins from Davao are here enjoying the sights and the beach. Your Kuya and his family is also here. We'll be staying over at Grandma's place tonight...". Way to go, Dad. Be sure to tape everything and send me a copy when it's over, huh?

It's just one of the sacrifices of living away from home, I guess. If you've never experienced this, you're lucky. Or unlucky, depending on your point of view, nyahahaha. It could be I've just been away for too long and thus miss these stuff. I might be saying another thing if I was home right now being barraged by an endless stream of guests. Or not. Okay, maybe if it was an endless stream of screaming children. Blegh, the thought.